


Road (To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions) Trip

by squills



Category: Heroes - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Crack, Gen, Gen Fic, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-26
Updated: 2008-09-26
Packaged: 2017-10-03 22:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squills/pseuds/squills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are so many different ways to save the world...and so many different ways to screw it all up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Road (To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions) Trip

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at my LiveJournal account: [](http://squills.livejournal.com/profile)[**squills**](http://squills.livejournal.com/)
> 
> [](http://levitatethis.livejournal.com/profile)[**levitatethis**](http://levitatethis.livejournal.com/) said in a comment earlier this week that she'd love to see the adventures of Mohinder and Peter as they tried to earnestly save the world, but inevitably made missteps. Ask, and ye shall receive. Unfortunately, what you receive may be total insanity. This is also part of my [](http://community.livejournal.com/mission_insane/profile)[**mission_insane**](http://community.livejournal.com/mission_insane/) fic quest, for the quote prompt **"However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results" (Winston Churchill)**, and will probably be x-posted at [](http://community.livejournal.com/heroes_fic/profile)[**heroes_fic**](http://community.livejournal.com/heroes_fic/) and [](http://community.livejournal.com/mylar_fic/profile)[**mylar_fic**](http://community.livejournal.com/mylar_fic/).

**Title: Road (To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions) Trip**  
Rating: PG   
Words: 3100   
Characters: Mohinder Suresh, Peter Petrelli, Angela Petrelli, Sylar (and mentions of others)   
Warnings: Total and utter crack. Extreme OOC-ness. Non-graphic poking of fun at the extreme slashiness of the show. A couple of cuss words. Sylar.   
Spoilers: Slight spoilers for the season 3 premiere  
Disclaimer: Not my characters, not writing this for profit.

  
PETER: "You know, you're right. Every time I've tried to change things, I've just made them worse."

MOHINDER: "I agree. At least in the dystopian future you prevented, I didn't wind up in bed with Maya."

PETER: "And whenever you've tried to set things right, it hasn't gone much better."

MOHINDER: "Ahem. Yes. Well. Let's just skip over the times that my research benefited Sylar, all right?"

PETER: "But maybe you're right. Maybe if we work together cautiously, maybe, just maybe, we can finally find a way to set a good course for the world! Maybe...maybe both of our wrongnesses can make a rightful future!"

MOHINDER: "Peter, are you high?"

ANGELA _[enters from living room]_: "What's going on here?"

PETER: "Mom, we're going to save the future!"

ANGELA: "Who is 'we'? You mean, you and...the cab driver who once brought your body back here? How...charming. Peter, how many times do I have to arrange for you and your brother's deaths before you accept that I know more about saving the future than you do?"

PETER: "Don't worry, Mom." _ [puts hand on Mohinder's shoulder] _ "This time..." _[dramatic pause] _ "We're going to get it right."

ANGELA: "Peter! Peter, don't you dare –" _[sighs as they disappear]_ "Why didn't I ignore the priests, and start taking birth control a year earlier?"

** Trip the First **

PETER: "Mom? We're back! And we thought big this time! We went back to 1970 and killed Bob. So he was never around to warp the Company's mission, or to take over when Mr. Linderman was killed!"

MOHINDER: "I must admit, we did feel some qualms about killing a man who was technically innocent at the time of his death. But in the end, we decided that in order to make an omelet, one must fracture some chicken ova. Um...Mrs. Petrelli? When did you change into that threadbare pantsuit?"

ANGELA: "Fools. You killed Bob without bothering to think about the ramifications. Where do you think the capital that the Company used for investment and purchasing came from? From Bob and his golden touch. Without him, the Company certainly didn't grow beyond being a small organization of dreamers. But it turns out that the purchasing done by the Company was propping up a large section of the economy. Without the Company's spending and involvement in the financial markets, the gas crisis of the 1970s wound up plunging the world into a second Great Depression, which it still hasn't recovered from, 30 years later."

PETER: "Ah..."

MOHINDER: "Um...."

ANGELA: "Care to make another witty comment about eggs?"

MOHINDER: "No, but I would like to distract you by complimenting you on how well the polyester in your garment sets off your lovely eyes." _[silence]_ "Or we could just get the hell out of here before you kill us using only the force of your vitriolic stare. Peter?"

** Trip the Second **

PETER: "Mom? We're back again! After we put things back the way they were, we decided that we needed to look outside our own petty concerns and start to think bigger! And after we discussed it a while, we realized that one of the biggest threats to world peace today was the fighting in the Middle East."

MOHINDER: "And because one of the biggest tension-causing factors in the last 40 years was the regime of Saddam Hussein –"

PETER: "We stopped him from taking control of Iraq! It was my idea!"

ANGELA: "Yes. Strongman Hussein never took control of Iraq. Which meant that when the Ayatollah took control of Iran, the Iraqi leaders didn't have quite the same drive to initiate a war with his country. So Iran didn't have eight years of fighting to drain away its time and resources. So by 1991, they had a working atomic bomb. And they used it. Israel and most of Europe are uninhabitable tombs. And before we wiped them out, we learned that they'd developed ICBMs, as well."

MOHINDER: "I was wondering why you had those thick drapes over the windows."

ANGELA: "Those aren't drapes. They're radiation shields. Congratulations, Peter – you've managed to blow up New York. Again."

MOHINDER: "Ah. Yes. Well."

PETER: "Maybe we should get going."

** Trip the Third **

PETER: "Okay. This time, we brought about the collapse of the Soviet Union during Nikita Khrushchev's rule. Russia gets 25 extra years of freedom! We've brough peace and prosperity to the world even earlier than before! Plus, I was really tired of hearing people praise Reagan for being the one to end communism."

MOHINDER: "I didn't realize you were a Democrat."

PETER: "Oh, I'm not. I just never liked 'Hellcats of the Navy'."

ANGELA: "If you boys are done praising yourselves, maybe you'd like to face up to reality. The military threat of Russia was helping to keep China in check. When the Soviet Union dissolved into chaos, they felt free to openly march across Indochina. 1967 saw them land in Darwin, Australia; 1973 saw the fall of Madras; 1981 was the year that the Cultural Revolution was imposed on Turkey. During the 1990s, things were quiet as Mao's successors solidified their rule. But then in 2006, the first cross-Pacific attack rained death upon San Francisco. I'm sorry to tell you this, Dr. Suresh, but your boyfriend died during the siege of New Beijing."

PETER: "New Beijing?"

ANGELA: "The city formerly known as Los Angeles. The Fifth Army of the Glorious New Chrysanthemum Revolution established its headquarters there."

MOHINDER: "Frankly, I'm a little more concerned about your statement regarding my boyfriend dying. I can assure you, I'm not gay."

ANGELA: "You might not be correct about that. You did, after all, spend three weeks crying in our spare bedroom after his death."

MOHINDER: "But I'm not gay!"

ANGELA: "I found your devotion to Captain Parkman rather...charming. If it makes you feel any better, the survivors told us that he died bravely. Or, at least, not too stupidly."

MOHINDER: "Parkman? _Parkman_? I was sleeping with Parkman? Dear Lord..."

PETER: "Don't worry – I'll take care of it."

** Trip The Fourth **

PETER: "We went back and saved President Kennedy from being assassinated by wiping out Lee Harvey Oswald in 1961! Did the future change? Was the Vietnam War averted?"

ANGELA: "Actually, what happened was later that year, a young woman named Rachel Carson who had an unfinished manuscript was killed in a car wreck. So she never published _Silent Spring_. So the environmental movement never got started. And now, the average temperature has gone up 15 degrees, the polar ice caps are completely melted, the EPA doesn't exist and 58% of the population dies of toxin-induced cancer before the age of 50. Also, your niece Claire was born with three arms and a tail."

MOHINDER: "Peter? Could I see you in private, for a second?"

PETER: "Okay. Look. If we built a large wooden badger–"

MOHINDER: _[smacks Peter]_

** Trip The Fifth **

PETER: "Mom, we went back to 1961 again, and this time we stopped the Company founders from even meeting each other! And because the Company was never founded, it never had the chance to imprison and torture specials, or to concoct schemes to develop deadly viruses! Mom?"

ANGELA: "I'm sorry. Do I know you?"

PETER: "Mom, it's me! Peter!"

ANGELA: "You must be mistaking me for someone else. I don't have any sons."

PETER: "What?!?"

ANGELA: "I do have two daughters. Natalie, my oldest, graduated from Harvard Law with honors and is the first female senator from New York. My youngest, Penelope...I had high hopes for her. Of course, she was in love, so she just _had_ to get married right out of high school. She promised she'd finish college, but her son Simon was born barely a year later. She did eventually get a nursing degree before she had her second son, Montgomery. Well...maybe one of _them_ will turn out to be worth something."

PETER: "Um..."

ANGELA: "It is good to see _you_ again, though, Dr. Suresh."

MOHINDER: "Come again?"

ANGELA: "You did such excellent work on my daughter's Senate campaign. The health care policy you crafted was masterful, and your Nobel prize...well, I can't believe it took them three whole years to award it to you after that cure for cancer that you developed!"

MOHINDER: "Oh. Oh! Really? Tell me more!"

PETER: "Mohinder, I think we need to get going–"

MOHINDER: "Let the lady speak, Peter! Carry on, Mrs. Petrelli!"

ANGELA: "Really, I don't understand what's gotten into you. You know my name is Angela Monroe."

PETER: "Angela Monroe. Monroe. You mean–"

MOHINDER: "Peter? I think we were speaking of my Nobel Prize. Please continue, Madam, whatever your name may be."

ANGELA: "I must admit, I entertained private hopes that you might convince my daughter to finally settle down. The two of you had gotten so close that I'd even begun thinking you might leave your boyfriend for her."

MOHINDER: "Boyfriend? What..." [_turns to Peter_] "I'm not gay. Seriously. What are you doing to the timelines that makes people think I'm gay?"

ANGELA: "Perhaps you need to tell that to...Gabriel, is that his name? I've never understood what you saw in a watchmaker. He seems rather below someone of your status. More like the kind of layabout who my Penelope would feel empathy for."

PETER: "What?!?"

MOHINDER: "What?!?"

ANGELA: "But, I suppose there's no stopping true love."

MOHINDER: "Peter...FIX THIS!"

** Trip the Sixth **

PETER: "Mom? Where are you? This time, we... Mom?"

WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: "Peter, what's that open mouth for, catching flies? I raised you better than that. Wipe your feet off and shut the door behind you. You weren't born in a barn."

PETER: "But you're not –"

MOHINDER: "Just let me... I'm very sorry to intrude on you, Mrs., ah –"

WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: "Petrelli."

MOHINDER AND PETER (in unison): "Ah!"

WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: "Sandra Petrelli."

MOHINDER AND PETER (in unison): "Huh?"

WOMAN IN LIVING ROOM: [_sharply_] "Mr. Miggles! How many times do I have to tell you, keep your big ol' paws off the sofa!" [_A Great Dane guiltily trots out of the room_]

PETER: "Yeah...okay...this time, YOU get to pick what we change."

** Trip the Seventh **

PETER: "Mom? Mom? Are you there?"

MOHINDER: "Are you sure this is your family's house? I don't remember it being so...well...so sparely decorated. Or having so many bookcases."

PETER: "It's got to be. It's the same location our house has always been in."

MOHINDER: "And this time, we saved my sister's life by preventing her from contracting the virus. That shouldn't have a large effect on _your_ family's history."

VOICE FROM THE SHADOWS: "Who's there? And how did you get in here?"

MOHINDER: "Is that... is that...Sylar?!?"

SYLAR: [_stepping out of shadows_] "That's Supreme Lord Sylar to you. Whoever you are."

MOHINDER: "You don't recognize me? It's Mohinder! Your nemesis!"

PETER: "I thought he was _my_ nemesis!"

SYLAR: "Petrelli. How many times do I have to kill you before you wise up and stay dead?"

PETER: "I'll be happy to die as many times as it takes to keep you from destroying the world, monster!"

SYLAR: "Why would I want to destroy the world?"

MOHINDER AND PETER: [_in unison_] "Huh?"

SYLAR: "We've developed a serum that permanently destroys the abilities of evolved humans. So there aren't any more special people. Well, except for me. I really am the most special person in existence now."

PETER: "So, what? Now you're free to rampage and terrorize the entire world?"

SYLAR: "Oh, Peter. You have no real imagination. Sooner or later, a man has to start thinking about his legacy, and how he wants to be remembered. There's no terrorizing going on. Anywhere. Who would be strong enough to lift a finger against me? There's no more war. There's no more hunger; I've stopped the melting of the polar ice caps and creating a self-sustaining weather pattern that brings gentle rains to the Sahara and Gobi deserts, turning them into breadbaskets for the world. There's less and less disease – when you can see what makes things tick, it doesn't take long to figure out cures for everything from the common cold to cancer."

MOHINDER: "_You_ developed the cure for cancer in this future?"

SYLAR: "Would you like to see the Nobel Prize I received for it? It's over there in the trophy case. Third shelf, fifth one over. I appreciate the Committee's zeal in honoring my abilities, but I must admit, it gets a little tedious after the twelfth Prize."

MOHINDER: [_in a quiet whisper_] "Peter, the cure-for-cancer Nobel used to be _mine_."

PETER: "Well, you have to admit...it's not that bad of a tradeoff. No more war...no more famine..."

SYLAR: "My subjects started calling me Supreme Lord without prodding. They're happy to have me in charge. Stability and peace are good for business. The people adore me. And I tolerate all of them. Except for you, Petrelli."

MOHINDER: "I can't believe this. You recognize Peter, but not me? The guy who tied you up and stabbed you with needles? Mohinder Suresh?"

SYLAR: "Your name is Suresh? Are you related to my wife?"

MOHINDER: "Oh, _fuck_."

SYLAR: [_chuckles_] "If you're into bondage, you definitely must be related to her."

MOHINDER: "Peter, for the love of all that is holy, get us out of here!"

** Trip the Eighth **

PETER: "OK, we put things back the way they were, giving your sister the virus and making sure that your parents conceived you."

MOHINDER: "And it does seem to have had an effect."

PETER: "Yeah, but not necessarily a good one. Why is it so dark in here?"

VOICE FROM THE SHADOWS: "Who's there? And how did you get in here?"

PETER: "Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me. Why is Sylar still here?"

SYLAR: [_stepping out of shadows_] "That's Supreme Lord Sylar to you, Petrelli. Mohinder – I thought you were staying late at your lab tonight. What are you doing with this insect? And how did he manage to come back from the grave?"

MOHINDER: "So you do know me, now?"

SYLAR: "Oh, Mohinder. We..._know_...each other quite well."

MOHINDER: "Pardon me?"

PETER: "I think he means...um..." [_his face turns red and he whispers in Mohinder's ear_]

MOHINDER: "Oh, _fuck_."

PETER: "Wait a minute. What exactly are you doing, as 'Supreme Lord'?"

SYLAR: "Well, sooner or later, a man has to start thinking about his legacy, and how he wants to be remembered..."

PETER: _[whispering to Mohinder, as Sylar drones on in the background about peace and prosperity]_ "Look, at least it's not _your sister_ that he's sleeping with."

MOHINDER: "So you're saying I should just accept a world where Sylar and I are lovers?"

PETER: "It's for the good of humanity. Besides, the universe seems determined to make you gay anyway."

MOHINDER: "May I remind you, the universe also seems determined to make you dead?"

PETER: "After reading Sylar's mind about the things he and you have done in bed, I'm frankly looking forward to death."

** Trip the Ninth **

PETER: "Mom? Oh, thank heaven you're back. Look, this time, we stopped Joseph McCarthy from coming to a position of power."

MOHINDER: "Our goal was to stop the rise of the repressive culture of the 1950s, and the fear and tension that resulted from it. We wanted to bring about openness, to create a climate where special people could exhibit their abilities without worry."

PETER: "Mom? Why are you staring at us like that?"

ANGELA: "It's just...I thought you were dead. Both of you."

PETER AND MOHINDER: _[in unison]_ "Huh?"

ANGELA: "It's true, we do live in a uniquely open and tolerant culture. The race riots of the late 1960s never happened – Dr. King's message of brotherhood was heeded. There have been three female presidents. Specials do indeed openly display their talents, and the Company is beloved for its charitable works, as it encourages them to use those talents to help the needy."

MOHINDER: "Peter...we've finally done it. We've created a utopia."

PETER: "But we're dead!"

MOHINDER: "What was that you said earlier about 'a small price to pay'?"

ANGELA: "Yes, you are indeed dead. I begged you two not to go mountain-climbing on your honeymoon, but as usual, you wouldn't listen to me."

MOHINDER: "Oh, this is just becoming ludicrous."

PETER: "But...I'm not gay!"

MOHINDER: "Saying that hasn't done _me_ a fat lot of good, now, has it?"

PETER: "And even if I were gay, I'd like to think I'd have enough taste not to settle for Maya's sloppy seconds."

MOHINDER: "Excuse me?!?"

ANGELA: "The slope you were climbing was unstable. The landslide must have knocked you both unconscious immediately, since you weren't able to teleport to safety. The one thing we do know is that it crushed your skull so thoroughly that even you couldn't regenerate. And after only 3 days of marriage. Your oldest brother was inconsolable."

MOHINDER: "About his death? Or about him marrying someone else?"

PETER: "Wait a minute. How could two guys be on a honeymoon?"

ANGELA: "Why, gay marriage has been legal since 1977. And speaking of sloppy seconds...I have to admit, I wasn't very supportive of your relationship. Mohinder's incessant cheating...well, I could understand that comic book artist; he was quite tasty. I could forgive his dalliance with Claude; after all, an invisible man is in perfect position to stalk his way into one's bed. But I had to draw the line when he stooped to seducing your brother."

MOHINDER: "You're telling me that I slept with Senator Petrelli."

ANGELA: "No, no. You slept with my other son, Gabriel. Gabriel! Come in here! And hurry!"

SYLAR: [enters room and smiles happily] "Peter! Peter, you're alive! Thank the Lord – it's a miracle! And...Mohinder..." _[his voice trails off into a purr]_

MOHINDER: "My life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic herd."

SYLAR: "I don't know how you managed it, but all that matters is, you're back. And we can all be one big happy family." _[He engulfs both Peter and Mohinder in an uncomfortably tight hug]_ "One big, happy, extremely close and _loving_ family."

PETER AND MOHINDER: _[in unison]_ "Oh, _fuck_."


End file.
